Non-Jews are for practice
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
