The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
