Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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