her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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