Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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