this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
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