i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
