i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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