she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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