True but thats because hes a fetus.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
