She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Randomize
