His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Randomize
