You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
