You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
