I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Randomize
