Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize