My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I need to stop coming to work sober
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Randomize
