she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
