Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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