I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
