I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
