Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize