Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
