Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
