brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
