dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize