Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
