Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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