you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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