Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Randomize
