This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Randomize
