I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
