I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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