in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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