Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
