I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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