the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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