I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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