awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
