I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
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