Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Even the bartender felt bad for me
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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