Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
