I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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