and you said cock pushups were impossible
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize