I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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