..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
