hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
