Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
