If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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