id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
