grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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