we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
