I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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