He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
