I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Sorry about my life...
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
