I'm gonna have a badass scar
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
