my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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