At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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