Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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