An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
