im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
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