im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
