I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
