the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Randomize
