I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
