there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Let's paint friendship bongs
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
