I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
