be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
only if we run a train.
done.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
