During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
