Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
