While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
