Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
